At the 2025 Global Leadership Summit (one of my favorite conferences of the year) one speaker in particular stayed with me: Bradley Rapier. He spoke about choosing curiosity and connection over transaction and agenda and what it means to step into the circle with others.
I’ve always considered myself a lifelong learner. If college were free, I’d probably be a professional student.
But being a learner does not always equate to being truly curious.
Learning is about acquiring knowledge. Knowledge expands our perspective. And when our perspective widens, we tend to become more inclusive, more open, and more willing to think beyond our own assumptions.
Curiosity, though, goes deeper.
Curiosity is not just about understanding the why behind the what. It is about understanding the who behind it all. Because behind nearly every “why” is a person or group of people. Curiosity is relational. It’s about connection, not just to the outcome, but to the people the outcome affects.
Why Being Seen & Known Matters
We live in a highly transactional world, focused on efficiency, productivity, and measurable results. While those things matter, research consistently shows they are not what drive human engagement or fulfillment.
Gallup’s research on engagement highlights that people perform better, stay longer, and experience greater wellbeing when they feel seen, valued, and understood, especially by leaders and peers. One of the strongest predictors of engagement is not compensation or title, but whether someone feels that their voice and perspective matter.¹
Similarly, social psychologists Baumeister and Leary’s “Belongingness Hypothesis” suggests that humans have a fundamental need to form meaningful interpersonal connections. Being known is not a bonus—it is a biological and psychological need.²
Curiosity is one of the primary ways we meet that need.
Leaning Into Curiosity Requires Presence
Curiosity begins with presence.
It is hard to be curious when we are distracted, rushed, or already thinking about our next response.
Research on mindfulness and attention shows that when we are mentally fragmented, our capacity for empathy and seeing another person’s perspective decreases.
True curiosity thrives when we set things aside:
- our judgments
- our assumptions
- our impulse to be transactional
This does not mean abandoning our own perspectives. We all see the world through filters shaped by our experiences. Curiosity simply asks us to set those filters down long enough to listen without immediately making judgements.
Curiosity says:
“I want to understand before I respond.”
Curiosity Builds Connection. Connections Sustains Us.
Curiosity naturally leads to connection. When we take time to hear someone’s story, trust begins to form.
History and research show us that connection is often what helps humans survive extreme adversity. In The Happiest Man on Earth, Holocaust survivor Eddie Jaku shares that connection to others, to shared stories, and to himself was central to his survival.
Modern trauma research echoes this. Studies on resilience show that strong relational bonds are one of the most powerful predictors of healing and long-term wellbeing.
Connection does not eliminate suffering; it makes survival, healing, and hope possible.
Being Curious About Our Own Story
Leaning into curiosity also requires curiosity toward our own story.
Many people carry deep pain such as grief, loss, trauma, abuse, devastation. Research in psychology and neuroscience shows that when parts of our story are suppressed or ignored, they often surface in disconnection, defensiveness, or burnout.
This doesn’t mean our past defines us. It means we acknowledge it.
When we understand and integrate our stories, we show up more whole. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability reinforces this: people who are willing to acknowledge their story, without letting it define them, are more capable of connection, empathy, and courageous leadership.3
Our past is part of who we are.
It does not dictate who we choose to become.
Leading With Curiosity: 3 Practical Actions
So, what does leading with curiosity actually look like in practice?
Here are three ways to begin:
1. Replace Assumptions with Questions
Instead of filling in the gaps with your own narrative, ask:
- “Can you help me understand your perspective?”
- “What feels most important to you about this situation?”
Research on inclusive leadership shows that leaders who ask genuine questions create higher levels of psychological safety. Psychological safety is one of the strongest predictors of team effectiveness.
2. Practice Active Listening Unattached to Outcomes
Set aside the need to fix, respond, or move forward. Simply listen.
Not every conversation needs an agenda.
Neuroscience research on empathy suggests that feeling heard activates safety and trust in the brain, making deeper connection possible.
3. Get Curious About Your Own Reactions
When something triggers you, pause and ask:
- “What part of my story is being triggered here?”
- “What am I protecting or putting up a wall around?”
Self-curiosity increases emotional regulation and helps us respond rather than react. An essential skill for leadership and healthy relationships.
Curiosity Changes How We Lead and Live
As leaders – and really, as anyone choosing to show up fully in their own life – leaning into curiosity transforms how we engage with others.
It moves us:
- from transaction to connection
- from assumption to understanding
- from control to relationship
Where Curiosity Meets Connection
Curiosity is not passive. It’s an intentional choice to see people, honor their stories, and step into the circle with them. And maybe that’s where real leadership begins.
When you lead with curiosity, you create space for understanding, growth, and trust. You start to see the potential (in yourself and in others) that has been there all along. Whether you are navigating tough conversations, leading a team, or simply trying to communicate with more empathy, choosing curiosity transforms how you connect, influence, and lead.
Coaching helps you develop the awareness and communication tools to do just that. It provides a space to pause, reflect, and build the clarity and confidence needed to show up differently. Learning how to listen before reacting, to understand before judging, and to uncover any personal assumptions or limiting beliefs that keep you armored up in your own perspective.
Footnotes
- Gallup. State of the Global Workplace; Gallup Q12 Engagement Research.
- Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin.
- Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly.