Finding Community in Leadership
This week, I had the opportunity to speak at a leaders’ luncheon on grounded leadership and navigating hard conversations.
I shared practical tools and strategies, but I also spent time talking about something less tangible: mindset, breathing, and the energy we bring into a room as leaders. Those are often the things that determine whether a difficult conversation builds trust or breaks it.
Ironically, those were the very things I needed before I ever stepped up to speak. As I drove to the venue, that familiar voice of self-doubt started getting louder. Is this really valuable? Am I just repeating things people already know? What if talking about mindset and breathing is too “out there?” If you’ve ever led anything, whether a business, a team, a family, or even yourself, those thoughts likely sound familiar.
The funny thing is, I had spent weeks preparing. I knew the research and I had used the same principles in my own roles. Everything I planned to teach had already been tested in my own life. Yet somehow, I had convinced myself that everyone in the room already knew everything I had to say.
Then I caught myself.
Whether someone else had heard these ideas before wasn’t really the point. These concepts had changed the way I lead. They had helped me navigate difficult conversations. They had grounded me during uncertainty. That was enough for me to stand on.
So, I practiced exactly what I was about to teach. I slowed my breathing. I reminded myself why I was there. I shifted my focus away from proving myself and back toward showing up for the people in the room.
The Power of Showing Up
The presentation sparked meaningful discussion. People shared experiences, recognized common struggles, and exchanged ideas about leading through difficult situations. We even ended with the suggestion to make some coffee connections to keep the conversation going. There was something incredibly refreshing about watching leaders realize they were not the only ones carrying the weight they had been carrying.
As I walked back to my car afterward, one thought stayed with me.
When we try to lead alone, we miss the power of community. And so does everyone around us.
That realization stuck with me long after the event was over.
The Research Says the Same Thing
You know me and my love of research, so naturally I wanted to see whether there was evidence to support what I had experienced.
Sure enough, there was.
Research from Harvard Business Review found that roughly half of CEOs report feeling lonely in their role, and 61 percent say that loneliness negatively affects their performance. This is not simply about having a difficult day. Isolation changes how leaders show up for the people they serve.
Another study from Stanford Graduate School of Business found that nearly two-thirds of CEOs receive no outside coaching or leadership advice. Yet among those who do have a coach, mentor, or trusted sounding board, nearly all say they find tremendous value in the experience.
That tells me something important. The gap is not desire. Leaders want someone in their corner. They want a thought partner. They want a place where they can ask questions, process uncertainty, and admit they do not have every answer.
The gap is often permission. Permission to admit we were never meant to figure everything out alone. And seeking out the support of other leaders doesn’t mean we are incapable of leading.
Looking back, that is exactly where I found myself before that luncheon. I almost let self-doubt convince me to stay small because I believed everyone else had it figured out.
But that was not the truth. That was isolation talking. Isolation has a way of making us believe we are the only ones struggling, the only ones questioning ourselves, or the only ones who do not have all the answers. Community reminds us we are not.
What Leadership Continues to Teach Me
The longer I lead, the more convinced I become of a few things.
Leadership is hard. It is not for the faint of heart. But it is also extremely rewarding to invest in the lives of those we lead.
Leadership is unscripted. There is no perfect script or single right answer. We simply do our best to remain present, stay aware, and respond to the people in front of us.
Leadership requires grace because none of us gets it right every time. We are all imperfect people trying to serve other imperfect people.
Leadership is vulnerable. People often expect leaders to have certainty, even when we are navigating uncertainty ourselves.
And perhaps most importantly, leadership is not done in a silo. It was never meant to be. The cost of isolation is not just ours to carry. It eventually reaches the people we lead.
Your Challenge This Week
Whether you are leading a business, a team, your family, or simply influencing the people around you, I want to leave you with one challenge.
Reach out to another leader. Meet with a mentor. Invite someone to coffee. Not because you need all the answers. Simply because you were never meant to carry leadership alone. Do not allow yourself to miss out on the power of community.
Leadership was never meant to be a solo sport.
Citation:
HBR CEO Snapshot Survey (Saporito, 2012, “It’s Time to Acknowledge CEO Loneliness”)
Stanford GSB Center for Leadership Development and Research, in partnership with Stanford’s Rock Center for Corporate Governance and The Miles Group.